...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
