All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
