the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
