her vagine was all disorganized.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
