so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
