Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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