He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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