I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
