Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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