i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
