I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
