If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
