I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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