He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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