Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
