I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
