were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
