At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
