"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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