I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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