I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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