we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
