he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
