There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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