I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize