It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
