How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
