i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
