YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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