You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
