It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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