He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
