Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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