he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
