i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
