Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
