is your mom at the bar?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
