I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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