Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(574): View more from Indiana

pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.

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(503): View more from Oregon

He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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(706): View more from Georgia

Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.

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(509): View more from Washington

I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.

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(703): View more from Virginia

The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I told him he looked like my uncle.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Why would you say that in a bathtub?

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(752): View more from California

My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?

(1-752): View more from California

"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work

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