we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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