There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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