apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
