Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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