I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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