I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
