if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your penis caused this!
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