Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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