i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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