So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
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yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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