doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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