the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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