Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
