The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
