Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
