If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
