I wanna bring you to show and tell
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
