I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
