All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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