I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
