Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
