I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
