I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Did I show you my penis last night?
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize