I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
