I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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