I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
