absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
