What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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