I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
