you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Randomize
