she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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