I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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