So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
