The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
